my body is a finely tuned machine. finely tuned with pizza and ice cream
thegodofmischiefmanaged: kawaiirubbish: kawaiisquad: Man what would happen if we took every criminal and threw them on a continent and just let them have at it for like 50 years? What would they even say when we came back? probably “g’day mate!” it’s funny because that’s the actual history of australia
rubbishkid: acruelultimatum: “Daddy interrogates daughter to get a confession on who is her favorite parent.”
my skills include hesitating, missing opportunities, and being full of regret
Just had a twenty minute conversation with my ultra-conservative mom about alcohol and strip clubs. I now know that when my mother parties she drinks tequila… I WILL NEVER GET THAT IMAGE OUT OF MY BRAIN.
I don’t know why guys don’t date me. I mean I LITERALLY have a signed copy of “Elmo says achoo” I mean what more could they want?
“I will take you home, and be everything you’ve ever wanted in man, IF you can answer one question: How do you synthesize a methylated alkaloid?”- Love Potion no. 9 I think this man is my spirit animal.
imagine-dragonlords: thewayweride: If you’re lesbian and you fall for a guy FINE If you’re gay and you fall for a woman FINE If you’re bisexual and you have a preference for girls FINE If you’re bisexual and you have a preference for guys FINE If you’re pansexual and have a preference FINE What’s not fine is telling someone they can’t love another person because it doesn’t fit into the...
how to boys
foie: greet chat chat chat joke joke joke joke compliment appearance compliment personality flirt flirt flirt hug hug hug hug hug hug amorous hug amorous hug first kiss kiss kiss kiss make out make out make out make out woo-hoo woo-hoo woo-hoo propose
The best way to finish two semesters of OChem
Is to take victory shots, drunkenly make pancakes, and then group nap with all of your friends.
less-than-one: Yes hello I am here for Gatsby’s party
tapdancers: In British, we dont say “I love you” we say “crumpet crumpet the queen tea scoodilypoop Mary poppins” which roughly translates to “I am a part of you”. Tragically beautiful.
Trying to hold a conversation with your crush.